Luckiest Girl

Some days, I forget what it was like to watch him walk into the room for the first time and know with complete certainty that it was all over. Let's face it, I was done for the second he made eye contact with me and I'm just lucky we're compatible because there was no going back after that. I forget because we have fought more since we got engaged than we have fought in the entire course of our relationship. This isn't saying much, considering we may have fought a whole 5 times before our engagement, but still... Most days, our lives feel like one great big "honey do" list that we trade back and forth, and whomever happened to get the most sleep the night before gets the list for the day. But when your guest list is 30 people over your limit and your caterer insists on charging you for each napkin and your florist hates your color scheme and your fiancee can't seem to rent a tux under $200, you forget what those eyes did to you. Time goes by, and the parts of the person that were less than appealing to begin with seem all encompassing. Traits you initially found adorable are now grating, and you no longer feel like taking care of him when he's sick and you'd rather let the dirty laundry just sit and rot than touch it one more time. You begin to expect that every good thing you do should be reciprocated, and the concepts of grace and mercy fade. Everything that you do makes you feel like you selflessly give, give, endlessly give. Your spark fades, exhaustion pervades your every move, and you wonder if he'll still love you when it's all over.  And then, in a moment, everything explodes and you realize with a start how desperately and completely you love this man who will speak with you about what shade of purple the bridesmaids dresses should be and whether or not we should serve tea or lemonade, and he continues to discuss it with you, far past any reasonable amount of time, whether or not Aunt Mary will actually show up to the wedding. You know then that this man is exceptional and you have more than you deserve, because he honestly gives a shit about the bridesmaids dresses. The fact that he is concerned makes me cry with gratitude. He is so invested in this, in us. I realize how much he has given, all the sleepless nights and the selfless never ending sacrifices he has made on my behalf. I remember laughing with him till we cried, dancing at midnight and staying up till dawn. All the good qualities come rushing back, and in an instant I'm sitting in that room, watching him walk in, and I fall all over again. I think that this ebb and flow must be love. I think there could be no sweeter thing.